Date Archives December 2019

Tis the season to be…

Tis the season to be… I know instinctively the words to the famous carol will chime through your mind. .. Jolly fa-la-la-la-la… The pressure is on to be happy and loving and busy with all the fanfare of the season. I know when you read this post the food would have been eaten, the gifts would have been opened and the festivities are quieting as we anticipate the New Year. But, what if we just left it as “tis the season to be”? What if we slowed down enough to be Present, Prayerful, Prepared, Proactive and Pliable as we close out the year and step into the next.

Be Present. Presents mean nothing without your presence. Give the gift of intentional time with your loved ones. December always reminds me of how fleeting life is. So I try to be present with those in my presence. I’m not super human so I do get distracted with my chores with my phone and with TV like the next woman but I do try to pause and play a made up game with my children sometimes. I sit and talk and laugh with my family. Nothing beats a belly laugh springing from joy in your heart. Scripture calls it good medicine (Prov. 17:22). Be present enough where you live or work or traverse through the day to notice someone else who may need you to look them in the eye with a caring face so they feel less alone.

Be Prayerful. Prayer has evolved for me. Its not just the words I whisper when I wake in the morning or before bed. It’s the open line of communication I have with my Creator. So I’m rushing out of the house and I cant find something, I say Holy Spirit lead me to it help me. I’m making a purchase and I’m asking God to help me figure out if its both a good deal and a buy it now deal vs a good deal but wait for another time deal. In other words, I involve His input. I use the brain He gave me to reason and make sense of it but I pause to listen for His voice and to get a sense of His Peace.

Be Prepared. You know I was a Brownie and a Girl Scout and in my day our motto was just that “be prepared”. The idea was that any challenge you faced was more surmountable if you prepared yourself physically and mentally. So let’s get to goal setting. Write out the vision you have for your life, break it up into small pieces and set measurable targets to conquer those small pieces. I won’t get it to details on how to plan but you can connect with my friend and Christian Empowerment Coach Crystal She has a beautiful purpose planner for 2020 that is a free downloadable resource on her site.

Be Proactive. To prepare or plan is the first step. However being proactive is like doing a risk assessment for said plan. In other words, start looking at the possible obstacles to what you’ve set out to do and figure out how best to get around them. The new decade is upon us and I’m not sure how your year went but mine felt like I was hiking barefooted through a dangerous forest and I misplaced my supply bag. In retrospect, I think that while I made a plan I wasn’t proactive. I didn’t assess the risks enough to be mentally prepared. So when some of those plans fell through I was devastated and without a plan B.

Be Pliable. In my previous post I spoke about the Illusion of Control, which I believe was one of my major life lessons of 2019. My aim going forward is to be more pliable, more malleable when a circumstance flexes its muscles in its attempt to break me. I want to be like water. It can adapt to the shape of its container, or flow over when it needs more room, it can be as solid as a wall or flexible enough to allow things to pass through. Water stops at nothing in its quest to get to its destination. It will find away around rocks through cracks through anything. Water can be playful and fun yet intimidating and dangerous, if not respected, all at the same time. I want this to be true of me.

See you in the next decade.

Write Fully Yours,

Lady Kavan

The Illusion of Control

Hey, have you ever watched the show Brain Games? It delves into cognitive science, focusing on illusions and psychological experiments. In a few of the episodes, it highlights how much of your observed environment the human brain excludes from conscious thought in the name of efficiency or protection. I’ve been mulling over this phrase and the more that I do I realize that our definition of control can keep us in an unsafe illusion.

Control is the power to influence or direct people’s behaviour or the course of events. As a driver, I control the vehicle I drive. As a mom, I have the power to influence the direction of my sons’ lives. At work, I have control over my areas of responsibility. However, we know all too often that things happen outside the perimeter of our control. Sometimes life blindsides us. The unexpected happens and we are left grasping for the semblance of normalcy again. 

 For instance, true story… It’s 6:30 a.m. It is freezing outside and I’m in the morning zone with the boys. Coats, check. Boots, check. Hats, check. We get into the car, seatbelts on, car warm and I pull of out the driveway. By the looks of things, everything seems normal, I was in control of my day. Unknown to me a thin layer of ice was hiding on the road surface and for a second the car started to head into a direction I was not intending it to go. For those 2 seconds, I was not in control, the ice was. Very often, life lays that thin layer of ice and we do all we can to get back to safety.

I think with all the responsibility adulting lays on us we can get the false sense that every detail of our lives is up to us. It’s the illusion that we control it all. The illusion of control convinces me that my input and my effort will always lead exactly to my outcome. This can cause us to process life’s happenings incorrectly. We plan (as we should) but how many variables are truly ours to control? Can we as individuals’ control someone else’s choices, the global economy, or the weather? So how do I account for what I can’t control? What do I do when circumstances throw my plans through the window or splinter them into a thousand pieces? On the flip side, when grace and favor adds flavor to our efforts and throws doors open that you know would have been unlikely with your effort alone, who gets the glory? Do you attribute that to luck, is it just all you or is Christ lifted up?

I remember battling with thoughts of blame after my first husband died. I retraced our steps over and over trying to figuring out how I could have done something else. But I wasn’t in control when evil hatched a plan to break in. I did not pull the trigger. I remember when I was headed hunted for a job in a new industry at the point where I was considering leaving a company I worked with for a decade. Within the space of 6 months my income almost doubled. It was not just the new salary. A few months after I started wage negotiations in play a year before concluded and I was a blessed beneficiary. In retrospect I know God orchestrated it so that when I lost Chris the blow to my finances was significant but manageable.

So how do we process life without the illusion of control? We pray, we plan and we leave our hearts open to change. We must not hold so tightly to any possession, person, place or perspective that we are shattered when have to let it go. Jesus is the only constant in our changing world and our hope must be hidden in Him. We cling to Him for the answers we need and remain patient to hear His response, even when it takes longer than we think it should. (That last point was for me. Im working on it)

Write Fully Yours

Lady Kavan

Mic Check

It’s been eleven months. As I dust the cobwebs off this page I must admit I’m a bit embarrassed for leaving you hanging. I apologize. The good news is I haven’t stopped writing. I’ve spent the last eleven months pouring into my book. The one where you get to see me intimately. The book that I knew I had to write but scares every molecule in my being. Thankfully the core writing is done and I only have bits of homework from my coach and publisher Crystal Daye. Of course, you will get first dibs on all book related news. Now I get to focus on connecting with you again. I missed you. I promise you’ll hear from me soon. I have thoughts I want to share with you.

Write Fully Yours,

Lady Kavan