Posts in Relationship

Let Me Love You

The Call

I hear the distinct whisper,  a call as it were, to a deeper romance with the Creator of all that is.

As He hovered over the darkness of the deep waters in the beginning, so He hovers over me.

He commands light to enter my secret place and calls it day, for my night has passed. 

I hear the whisper…

Let Me love you, all of you.

Not just the places you feel worthy to bring but all the messy parts too.

He says: I can use all of it. I weave all things together to create a poem and a symphony called “good”.

I am Love. That means I am patient, kind and I keep no score of being wronged.

Let Me Love you, so you can heal, Let Me love you so you can be.

Let Me Love you, so that you can move beyond breathing to pressing towards the mark of the prize of My higher calling through Christ Jesus.

I died for you.

I surrendered My body as a sacrifice to bring you closer because you could not make your way to Me. Let Me Love you.

The Response

God intrigues me. He really does. That He would want to look upon earthen vessels, subjects of His creation and fill them with Himself, fill them with Love is simply too vast a concept to understand.

Yet that is what He does. There isn’t much more to say except that when I heard the call today, I knew it was not singular.

It was not just a call for Lady Kavan. It is a call He has consistently made from the Garden of Eden till now.

He longs for a relationship with His creation. God beckoned to Adam in the garden “where are you?” not because He wanted a geographical response. He wanted a shift in heart position and wants the same still.

He is calling and His question is this.  Will you let Me Love you?

Full Disclosure: I received these prophetic words about a year ago. I wrote this piece and submitted it for publishing and it was never published. As I sat today, I was reminded of it. I know the Holy Spirit is intentional, There is someone who needs to be reminded…. Let Him love you… Selah

Write Fully Yours,

Lady Kavan

To read more from Lady Kavan, check out her blog or her books

Grace in Chaos

Two years in and the pandemic is still a thing huh. The C word is still unfortunately a buzzword. Confusion, controversy, conspiracy and calamity collude to create chaos. Careful Kavanaugh don’t lose them in the alliterations! The bottom line is the world is declaring a dismal discourse about the state of the world that makes me dizzy. Earth still feels like a sucky place to be. But is it though?

As I reflected on 2021, I admittedly had my fair share of chaos and pain. Loved ones went to be with the Lord, work stress was through the roof, witnessing a parent decline in health, my laptop crashed with full data loss among other personal struggles certainly made the year, shall I say interesting. But if I’m being really honest, the overarching and overwhelming feeling was genuine gratitude. A small part of me felt guilty to experience the anti-narrative. But the more I meditated the more I realized that what I have is grace in chaos.

Grace is God’s unmerited favour and blessing given to us. I certainly do not deserve it yet it is freely given. This favour has allowed me to access some pretty cool things and to really laugh, relax and enjoy my life in a way I haven’t in a long time. So, when I asked God what word I should share to encourage my readers, for my first post of 2022, the word God gave to Paul in 2 Corinthians 12:9 came to mind. “My grace is always more than enough for you, and my power finds its full expression through your weakness.” 

In the original context of the scripture, Paul was asking God to take away a thorn in His flesh. Scholars haven’t figured out what this thorn is but it provides a solid yet generic enough metaphor to be broad sweeping and effective. What have you been asking God to get rid of? What is that annoying, painful, anxiety inducing challenge in your life that is not going away? Whatever it is God provides grace in the chaos and it is enough. The trick though is accepting that grace. We have to release what we cannot ourselves change or fix into the hands of the only ONE who is in full control. Until change comes (if it comes) and even after it comes we give thanks. Always.

I wrote a 2021 gratitude list – I limited it to 12 things (one for each month). Here goes:

  1. Spending time with Mom (COVID trapped her here for 10 months)
  2. Carlton finally arrived in Canada so we could be reunited as a family
  3. Surviving COVID
  4. Several Podcast features and interviews
  5. Technology upgrades – new laptop, earbuds, phone et al
  6. A healthy marriage
  7. A cozy place to live at a great price
  8. Improved credit score
  9. A community of Christians that I can do life with
  10. Dancing – teaching and ministering – God awakened a sleeping gift
  11. Improving my gut health (that’s a long story, just praise God for my deliverance)
  12. First Christmas since I’ve been married to Carlton that we have been in the same place.

I dare you to share yours.

Write Fully Yours,

Lady Kavan

Worth the wait

Last weekend we celebrated thanksgiving in Canada. As a Jamaican, the concept of a thanksgiving day is still new to me but one I deeply appreciate. Gratitude is one of the things I speak about perhaps ad nauseum. It is a command (1 Thess 5:18) but more important is how much thankfulness is an awesome perspective shifter, emotional balancer and mental stress reliever.  My point is thanksgiving made me pause to reflect on my marriage and how the shift from a long distance marriage to living in the same space was worth the wait. Lest I lose you because you don’t have context let me backtrack a bit and give you the Cliff Notes version.

In 2015, I lost my first husband and the biological father of my boys. In 2017, I officially started dating Carlton who I married in 2018, 6 months after I migrated to Canada. The filing process took us another two and half years which meant a long distance marriage and very little physical connections in between, exacerbated by all the stresses related to a pandemic. In January of this year (2021) he was able to join the boys and I. We have been navigating this new phase since then and can I tell you it’s been a school girl giggly, old soul deep kind of wonderful. Caught up? Good. Now to my thanksgiving reflection.

Our three years apart took us through a wide gamut of human emotions. We were happy to connect daily on video chat, angry that the process felt as slow as cold molasses dripping from the mouth of a jar too small for a spoon. We were sexually frustrated, annoyed that we couldn’t be in the same space physically and exhausted from having to be painstakingly intentional about connecting because we truthfully had to lead different lives. The interesting side effect though, is that we deepened our friendship in ways we would not have imagined we needed. We only had our words, so we had to learn to fight fair, to communicate, encourage, joke around and laugh hard. We learned to trust our intentions for each other and that we were doing what we said we were. We learned in the distance that love is a choice and to remain together we had to choose each other every day.

I think crucially though, we needed space to heal from our individual grief and traumas. I can only admit this in retrospect because  we all have blind spots and neither of us saw it that way. I listened to a sermon recently that pointed out God loves me enough to say no. Ultimately, His goal is my growth into the image of Himself that I already am but haven’t discovered yet. Carlton and I each needed to discover things about ourselves and our relationship with God. God knew it and we didn’t. 

As I reflected on this thanksgiving, I was grateful for this new phase in our relationship. I felt blessed for the steadiness of our  vessel on the sea of marriage. I am grateful for the giddy waves and what feels like a trip to the beach most days. I am overjoyed by how we coordinate and work like a team. But what gives me the urge to scream hallelujah? The time when God said no and allowed us to be apart for three years because He knew we needed it. Selah. 

I want to encourage someone today who is  absolutely frustrated by the “no or not yet” season. I know you have heard it a dozen times and maybe right now if we were in the same space you would throw something at me. I get it. God loves you enough to say no.  ‘For the Lord God is our sun and our shield. He gives us grace and glory. The Lord will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right.’ (Psalms 84:11). So if it is withheld there is a greater,  more important good that He is working out in our lives. Trust Him and don’t lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path. (Prov. 3:5 -6). God will reveal your “greater good” when you least expect it. 

Write Fully Yours

Lady Kavan

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