I’ve had the title of this post in my draft for a long time. When I say a long time I’m talking about more than a year. It started during the process of designing the cover for my second book. My coach reminded me to use my best selling author title and I cringed. I stared at the evidence, I shared it with the designer but I still felt inadequate and undeserving. I struggled and I still struggle with balancing the concept of humility with the fact that I have a God given message and mandate that I need to have heard. I know for sure that I am Worthy of Life and Love yet my insecurities whisper… “imposter”.
But what place does an imposter syndrome have in the heart of one called chosen by God? God says I am royalty even before I wrote the first word in my books or started a blog page. As a daughter of the God who calls Himself Love, I am loved immeasurably, immensely and immutably. Shouldn’t that be enough? It should be. It is. So why struggle Kavanaugh? Immediately my mind recalls a quote from Marianne Williamson. It’s a popular one. I remember I printed it and had a copy posted on my desk some years ago. It speaks to being intimidated by the light and power within us. Christ is my light. Why would that cause me to retreat or feel insecure?
As I grapple with these thoughts I realized a truth in my own heart. I’m afraid to be different. I’ve always felt “not like the others”. I was either too young, too smart, not smart enough, too small, too quirky, not rich enough, not poor enough. I spent lots of time trying to blend and to be a part of. My special skill is bringing people together, assimilation and finding that middle ground. If I am all things to all people then it increases my chances to be loved by many. Alas my heart needs more healing. So grateful to Holy Spirit who heals in layers. While my skill is usable by God, motive is always the heart of the matter. A good thing can become a bad thing if the motive or rationale is rooted in wrong thinking. I must unlearn any wrong thinking that inhibits me from being who I am called to be.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” M. Williamson.
Here’s my challenge to myself. I’m putting it out there because I need you to keep me honest.
- I will embrace my different
- I will not dim my light or retreat to safety
- I will speak up more frequently
What promises do you need to make to yourself? What wrong thinking is keeping your light hidden? I leave this scripture with you: “So don’t hide your light! Let it shine brightly before others, so that your commendable works will shine as light upon them, and then they will give their praise to your Father in heaven.””
Matthew 5:16 TPT
Write Fully Yours,
Lady Kavan
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