Posts tagged healing

I Will Trust

Christianity Devotional

Trusting God in the Storms of Life: Finding Strength and Encouragement

I am old enough to use euphemisms like “I’ve been through some storms” or “I’ve experienced the turbulence of a hurricane blowing through life”. The good thing about these phrases is that it’s so general anyone can fit their situations in it. It could be anything from someone hurting our feelings, missing the bus or the grief of losing someone precious.

Are you going through a storm? I’m sure you are. Everyone goes through something at some point. And if it’s not today, I pray this word finds your heart when that time comes.

But when I am afraid, I will put my trust in you. ‭‭Psalms 56:3 NLT‬‬ 

Or this one: ‭‭

You are a hiding place for me; you preserve me from trouble; you surround me with shouts of deliverance. Selah. Psalm 32:7 ESV‬‬

I have observed that God is a choice. What I mean is I can choose fear or I can choose God. I can choose to hide in Him or be battered by the winds of life. Constantly we must decide life or death. And God begs us to choose the path of life.‭ (Deuteronomy 30:19 NIV‬‬)

To “put my trust” is active, not passive. It doesn’t come naturally, it comes by choice. What does that choice look like? It is reminding myself of all the ways He’s come through before and declaring that since His character does not and has not changed He will come through again. 

I have learned and yet I am still learning to hold to 3 immutable truths:

  1. God is good. He can be nothing else but good. Therefore if my circumstance does not look or feel good then He will work it out for my good. ALWAYS
  2. I am loved by Love Himself. God is love and He loves me. So I can be confident that my trust won’t be wasted
  3. God is Emmanuel. He is with us. He is with me. He has never left nor will He ever forsake me.

With these truths, I’m learning to hide. Notice the present continuous verbs I use. Each storm is different some more fearsome than the other. Some storms cause me to chuckle. I’m confident like a superhero staring down an inferior enemy. Some storms though, cause my innards to shake and my knees to buckle under the pressure. Some storms make me want to hide in bed and not want to face the day. In those storms, I must learn to hide again. Hide in the truth of who God is and who He is to me. 

I promise you. He will come through. It may not look like how you imagined but somehow He always does.

Be encouraged today. God is worthy of your trust. Declare it till you see it. Declare it till you believe it: I will trust.

Write Fully Yours

Lady Kavan

Stepping into the Four O

Christianity Life 1 Comment

On the first of May, I crossed the daunting threshold of 40.  If you know me, you know I love my birthdays. Growing up, my mother made sure we felt celebrated on our day. It didn’t matter whether she had money. A cupcake, a tub of icecream and plenty love always made the day special. Gifts were extra.

But in the weeks preceding this milestone year, there wasn’t the usual countdown or excitement. To be transparent, I got sucked into the ingratitude rabbit hole when I started to think about all the things I thought I would have by now. I actually contemplated not celebrating because I couldn’t do it as big and luxurious as I hoped at “this age”. The root of that depression or funk was comparison. The Word and a couple friends slapped me straight.

The truth is, God has been convicting me about my definition of winning. His expectation is that we run the race set before us, not the one set for the next person. I grew up with the expectation that life would be a straight line; go to school, get a job, get married, buy a house and live happily ever after. Adulthood shakes that perception on the surface really quickly. And for me the events of December 2015 threw my life in such a tailspin, I still sometimes feel unbalanced by it. Deep inside, I long to get back on track to check off a list.

The question reverberating in my spirit is what if God’s plan is totally different from my own. I have been trying to unlearn my traditional views about what a successful life looks like. I remember countless prophesies that declare how much purpose has been tucked inside of me, waiting for revelation. A recent sermon series has me reflecting on Joseph. God foretold his purpose in a dream as a child and gave no clues about how it would come to be. Reading his story in a few chapters, if we don’t look deep enough, hides the fact that Joseph was 17 when he first dreamt of leadership. He was presumably almost 40 when his dream comes to pass. Between then, most of us know the story; betrayal, slavery, false imprisonment and forgotten – so not a straight line.

Yet God in His Omniscience is able to weave every part of Joseph’s story, mine and yours into a purpose filled tail of redemption, healing and victory. My goal is to be able to declare like Paul “Yet all of the accomplishments that I once took credit for, I’ve now forsaken them and I regard it all as nothing compared to the delight of experiencing Jesus Christ as my Lord! To truly know him meant letting go of everything from my past and throwing all my boasting on the garbage heap. It’s all like a pile of manure to me now, so that I may be enriched in the reality of knowing Jesus Christ and embrace him as Lord in all of his greatness.” Philippians 3:7‭-‬8 TP

In the meantime, I’m enjoying a perspective shift and embracing of a new freedom. My race is my own. I am my only competition and God truly is the Author and Finisher of my faith. What He started in me, He will finish. The path may be riddled with stuff I don’t like, painful, excruciating even but I don’t have to worry. God is fully in control.

Write Fully Yours

Lady Kavan

The Lord is close

Christianity 1 Comment

Monday Devotional – March 21, 2022

God is close

‘The Lord is close to all whose hearts are crushed by pain…”

Psalms 34:18

Read: 

2. 'Elkanah had two wives, Hannah and Peninnah. Peninnah had children, but Hannah did not. 8.  “Why are you crying, Hannah?” Elkanah would ask. “Why aren’t you eating? Why be downhearted just because you have no children? You have me—isn’t that better than having ten sons?” 10.  Hannah was in deep anguish, crying bitterly as she prayed to the Lord . 12 - 17 As she was praying to the Lord , Eli watched her. Seeing her lips moving but hearing no sound, he thought she had been drinking. “Must you come here drunk?” he demanded. “Throw away your wine!” “Oh no, sir!” she replied. “I haven’t been drinking wine or anything stronger. But I am very discouraged, and I was pouring out my heart to the Lord . Don’t think I am a wicked woman! For I have been praying out of great anguish and sorrow.” “In that case,” Eli said, “go in peace! May the God of Israel grant the request you have asked of him.” ' 1 Samuel 1:2,8,10,12-17

Reflect:

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted” – that scripture has brought me comfort in many difficult moments. But as I reflected this time, I asked the Lord why He chooses to be close to the brokenhearted. Why did You ensure that this specific scripture was written? His response was one word: LOVE. 

Romans 8:38 reminds us that ‘there is nothing in the universe with the power to separate us from God’s love. I’m convinced that his love will triumph over death, life’s troubles, fallen angels, or dark rulers in the heavens. There is nothing in our present or future circumstances that can weaken his love. ‘

Yet so often when we are broken, depressed or drowning in sorrow our ability to sense love and the joys thereof diminishes. It is difficult to see anything beyond the pain. That is why He gets close. He chooses nearness so that we can sense His Presence. 

 I recently had to hold one of my sons close as he expressed his brokenness about losing his father. My job, at that moment, was to remind him by my presence that he was not alone. My touch was meant to communicate how deeply loved he is because love communicates safety and provides a space to heal. As I held him, tears streaming down his face and mine, whispering words of comfort I thought about the many times I felt the Holy Spirit do that for me. He cocoons me in a peace beyond human comprehension.

In times of turmoil and immense heartache, when we are broken and unsure if the pieces of our hearts are recoverable, God is close. It is hard to fathom, but it is true.

Today, if that is you, sit still enough to sense His presence, He longs to hold you and remind you that ‘He heals the wounds of every shattered heart.’ Psalms 147:3. Allow Him to heal yours. In the story we read Hannah brought her sorrow straight to the Presence of God. He granted her peace.

Song of the Week:

I found You in the middle of my mess
You had been there all along
Open arms and open heart,
You called me in
You didn’t hesitate at all

Prophesy Your Promise – Bryan and Katie Torwalt

Journal Prompt:

Share with God how you truly feel and then sit still and listen. Write what you hear.

Pray: 

Comforter and Friend, we need You today. Bring comfort to those who mourn. Bring healing to every place in our hearts that is broken and blocked by pain. Help us to remain aware of Your Presence. In Jesus name. AMEN

Affirmation: 

I am loved by God who chooses to be near

—————

Have a great week!

See you next week for another Mocha Monday – a weekly Monday Devotional by Lady Kavan.

To read more from Lady Kavan, check out her blog 

You can find Lady Kavan on Amazon. Follow this link for an overview of her available books

“I am seen” is a devotional about El Roi the God who sees me. A personal name for God who promises hope and a future

I am seen

Christianity Devotional Life

Monday Devotional – March 7, 2022

I AM SEEN

‘Thereafter, Hagar used another name to refer to the Lord , who had spoken to her. She said, “You are the God who sees me.” Genesis 16:13

Read: 

'Abram replied, “Look, she is your servant, so deal with her as you see fit.” Then Sarai treated Hagar so harshly that she finally ran away. The angel of the Lord found Hagar beside a spring of water in the wilderness, along the road to Shur. The angel said to her, “Hagar, Sarai’s servant, where have you come from, and where are you going?” “I’m running away from my mistress, Sarai,” she replied. The angel of the Lord said to her, “Return to your mistress, and submit to her authority.” Then he added, “I will give you more descendants than you can count.” And the angel also said, “You are now pregnant and will give birth to a son. You are to name him Ishmael (which means ‘God hears’), for the Lord has heard your cry of distress. This son of yours will be a wild man, as untamed as a wild donkey! He will raise his fist against everyone, and everyone will be against him. Yes, he will live in open hostility against all his relatives.” Thereafter, Hagar used another name to refer to the Lord , who had spoken to her. She said, “You are the God who sees me.” She also said, “Have I truly seen the One who sees me?” ' Genesis 16:6-13

Reflect:

At the burning bush Moses asked God His name: “Who should I say sent me?” In response God declares Himself as “I am”; a name that is both definitive and open ended. God cannot be confined to a box. As we progress through life’s journey our revelation of Him evolves. In different circumstances we are able to append different descriptors of Him. He becomes Ezer (our Help), Jireh (our Provider), or Rapha (our Healer). 

One of my favorite descriptions of God comes from the scripture we read above. Interestingly , this name appears only once in Scripture and I feel like it was added just for me. In Genesis 16, Hagar is placed in an awkward position. She is given to be a child bearer for her mistress and then is despised and mistreated for it. This was not her choice. With no seeming way of escape, Hagar runs away.

In this place of feeling lost, unworthy, betrayed, abused, despised, rejected and unseen, I Am sends help. He calls her by name and promises her a future. Thousands of years later, we know her name. In response Hagar calls God “EL ROI”. The Hebrew translation for The God who sees me. How powerful. 

Imagine, that as a servant girl, crucial  to the functioning of her master’s household she was part of the family but not a “main character”. How interesting that God pauses the story of Abraham and Sarah to validate this supporting character in the story. He makes it a point to affirm her value in the big picture.

Today He wants to do the same for you.

Have you ever felt unseen or unheard? Have you ever felt as though your contribution was not valued, not enough, not deemed worthy or taken for granted? This morning, the Lord wants to remind you that you <insert your name here> are seen. He sees you. All of you and He loves you. He sees the injustices that keep you up at night. He sees the reasons for your pain. Though it is hard to see now, there is a place for you in God’s big picture. Embrace God in your mundane knowing He will weave all things in your “today” for a greater purpose tomorrow. “He works our progress and our failures, our tragedies and our victories into a beautiful rendition of a poem called good.”

Song of the Week:

Journal Prompt:

  1. What will you approach differently in your life, knowing you are seen?
  2. How does knowing you have a part in God’s big picture help you to live fully  today?

Pray: 

El ROI, You are God who sees me, all of me and I am grateful. Lord help me to see myself as you see me, full of purpose. Help me to remember that in you, I have a legacy greater than I can ask think or imagine. Teach me to walk in obedience to You in Jesus name. AMEN

Affirmation:

El Roi sees and knows me. I have a story to tell and a part to play in God’s big story. I am worthy of Life and of Love.

_____

Have a great week!

See you next week for another Mocha Monday – a weekly Monday Devotional by Lady Kavan.

To read more from Lady Kavan, check out her blog 

You can find Lady Kavan on Amazon. Follow this link for an overview of her available books

Hope filled Prayers

Christianity

Last week, I had a dream that referenced a lady who I went to church with years ago. It was strange that I had not gone to bed with her in my conscious thought. There wasn’t a Facebook memory reminder or post that triggered thoughts of her. I woke up and prayed because the dream was vivid. After praying, I looked her up on socials to see if there was any clue to something being up with her. There was no evidence. I left it alone until I got this persistent thought to reach out and tell her I had a dream and that I prayed. She called a couple days later and asked what I saw. Best believe that what I saw, was what she was going through. We prayed together with the confidence that truly God sees us and cares. He cares enough to invade the dreams of another so that we can be encouraged.

I wanted to share that story because the buildup to that whole scene is a bible study I facilitate. The study is on practicing the essentials of our faith. The week all of this happened was the same week we were studying prayer. We looked at the “mechanics” of prayer meaning what it is, methods, the effectiveness and the required persistence. Now I don’t know if this happens to you, but often the Holy Spirit will be persistent in reminding me about one thing, from an entire week of study, that He wants me to work on. The one thing for me, was in Luke 18:1. ‘One day Jesus taught the apostles to keep praying and never stop or lose hope. He shared with them this illustration:‘

I got stuck on the “never … lose hope” bit. I pray for sure, but hope is something altogether different. In a sermon that same week I heard “prayer on the other side of disappointment is hard and takes faith”. And that for me is the kicker. My hope level changed after my most poignant unanswered prayer. I find that I place things on the table and in essence say “Hey God, I’d like this but ….”  The challenging question is how do we continue to pray with hope after the sting of disappointment? The answer, that I am still trying to grab hold of in my heart, is that I need to hope in the One who I’m praying to, not the thing I am praying for. I want to hope for big things again. The Holy Spirit challenged me this week: “Your prayers are basic, pray bigger.”

I believe He let me in on the dream set up to restore my hope again. Truly, if God could give me a dream that led to an encouraging prayer session with my sister in the faith, then why would I believe He doesn’t hear me or want to answer me?

I want to believe big and pray bold prayers not just with words, but with a heart filled with the expectation. My Heavenly Dad wants to give me good and perfect gifts (James 1: 17). My desire is to get to a place where His “no” does not reduce my hope level and increase my fear of putting my true requests on the table with the expectation that I can have it.  Nothing is impossible for the one who believes (Mark 9: 23).

 As the world taps into this trending concept of “manifesting”, Christians know the deeper truth. We must align our thoughts, emotions and will with God’s word; declare (speak those things that are not as though they were; Rom 4:17) and believe it will come to pass (for nothing is impossible to the one who believes).

I am challenging myself this week to put my boldest requests on the table. Join me.  Let’s walk this one through together. 

Write Fully Yours

Lady Kavan

To read more from Lady Kavan, check out her blog 

You can find Lady Kavan on Amazon. Follow this link for an overview of her available books

Featured Photo by Diana Simumpande on Unsplash

Forgiving the unforgivable

Christianity Life 
*Trigger Warning* : The following post contains material about sexual abuse and violence that may be triggering or disturbing to some audiences. Reader discretion is advised.

Story Time

I was in a virtual bible study this week with my favourite faith sisters (wink, wink). During the discussion, one person shared a testimony of how God relieved the burden of friend burdened by unforgiveness. He did some sweet supernatural healing her heart. That friend was raped and I understood, deeply, her pain. Her pain was once mine too. Yet, God healed her, much like He healed me.

I took a moment to do a heart check. Have I forgiven my sexual abusers? What about the man who killed the father of my children, my first husband and very best friend at the time? Have I forgiven the people who lambasted my name with baseless accusations?

I think so…. God, Search me! Have I buried this pain or slapped a “blessed and highly favoured” band-aid on it? I come up empty. I see their faces in my mind’s eye, and in the case of the masked man, a silhouette but I feel no anger. I feel… I feel sorrow for the pain they must be in themselves. I pray God heals them and brings them peace.

Heart Questions

How do you forgive the unforgivable? How do you let go of the desire for revenge? How do you meet your enemies with love? How do you confront the one who has seemingly destroyed your life and not be angry? 

Before I say the next thing, I want you to understand that I am in no way trivialising or simplifying the trauma of abuse of any kind. How can I?  I carried trauma for years and unwittingly bled on my most loved ones because I couldn’t stop the haemorrhage.  Abuse wounds beyond physical scars. It creeps into the psyche, the emotions and into identity. It can be debilitating and it often is. So how do you heal? How do you forgive?

Healing is a choice

It starts with a choice. Healing is a choice. Your physical body has mechanisms to begin the healing process. However, your soul’s direction is determined by the choices you make. “At some point, we must take responsibility for our destructive behaviour patterns regardless of whether they originated from a character flaw within us or in response to something external” (Lady Kavan 2020). The abuse was not your fault. But you get to choose whether you remain a prisoner for the rest of your life.

I remember after Chris died, there was a day I could not bring myself to get out of bed. It was just too much. Life was unfair, the bedrock of our family was gone, alcohol was not fixing it and I just wanted out of this life.  As the boys rushed up the stairs after school, excited to see their mom, I was ashamed of the state I was in. I realised then that if I kept on this path my sons would lose two parents, not just one. I decided at that point I needed help. So that’s the first step, a decision: “I want to heal”

Next step… get help. When we get a small cut, we grab ointment and a Band-Aid and allow our bodies to do what it does; heal. But how many of us would stay home and not seek medical attention if we broke a leg or got wounded so badly we were losing pints of blood? No hands? Didn’t think so. Mental health is just as important as physical health. We need to shake all the negative stigma around seeing a mental health professional when we need to. Jesus and therapy saved my life. 

Forgiveness is crucial for healing

I found crucial to my healing was learning to let go of resentment, anger and the need for revenge, in a word forgiveness. “Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.”  This aligns with Mark 11: 25 “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” 

So going back then to the key question I posed, “how do I forgive the unforgivable?” Choose to. Super hard, I know. You may need to say it a thousand times, you may need to release the anger 10 thousand times, you may need to pray even more than that before your soul aligns with God on this matter. BUT… Your joy depends on it. Eventually your soul will begin to feel what you have declared. I found that, at least for me, when I pray for the people who hurt me, it shifts the atmosphere in my heart and overtime letting go of the offence becomes easier.

A fresh perspective

A friend shared this great conversation from Youtube that is so relevant to this topic. I hope it brings an even fresher perspective. 

Finally, I leave this thought with you:

‘Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you. ‘ Philippians 4:8-9

It is difficult to harbour resentment and anger when we make a conscious effort to think about and meditate on true, honest, just, pure, and lovely things. To forgive what seems to be unforgivable we must choose to!

Write Fully Yours

Lady Kavan

To read more from Lady Kavan, check out her blog 

You can find Lady Kavan on Amazon. Follow this link for an overview of her available books

Unexpected Grief Waves

Grief Life
dark water

Recently, I’ve been having a series of small unexpected waves of grief. The waves show up at the oddest time.

I’m sitting on the couch watching episode 4 of the final season of “This is Us” and I’m crying my eyes out. I know, I know. That series in and of itself is a recipe for tears and emotional trauma. But honestly, it pulls me in when I know I need a good cry. 

A couple Sundays ago the worship team sang “Great are you Lord” and I fought hard to swallow the large dry lump that had formed in my throat. The tears didn’t start in response to worship but rather the memory the song sparked. You see, it was his favorite song. Hearing it brought me back to standing in a pew of purple chairs, seeing his hands stick out of the sound room while he belted out the song from the depth of his soul. I brought my attention back to worship and the wave subsided. 

The waves have kept coming – many little ones – unexpected like the tremors before the major earthquake. They show up with Matthew’s quizzical expressions, Isaiah’s 100 questions or inquiries about how the boys are doing. These invariably lead to thoughts of “I wish he could have seen the boys now”.

The irony is, I am at a place of genuine happiness and peace in my life. So it may seem quite strange, in the midst of this satiated state, that grief comes gently knocking. I am sharing this to remind you; it is not strange. Unexpected waves of grief are normal.

I love this quote pic I found on twitter:

I believe, like Scribbles & crumbs, that because love “never ends” (1 Cor 13: 8) we will live with the impression of those who have gone before us. Always. Love may change how it expresses itself, but real love doesn’t just go “poof”.

Allow your heart to feel and then release pangs of “I miss you”. There is no shame in it. Embrace and release. It doesn’t matter if it has been 10 yrs, 10 weeks or 10 days. Embrace and release. Understand dear that grief is a natural response to change or loss of any kind.

Losing a loved one is the most permanent loss or change. No matter how long it has been, that change will be inscribed in your heart forever. Learn to expect unexpected grief. Does that make sense? I hope it does.

There is a “but” though. Grief is not an excuse to stay stuck. Cry when you need to, but get up. 

“The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” Nelson Mandela.

I leave this word with you: The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18 . Lean in to the one who is close and willing to save.

Here is a bonus…

Seven Scriptures that Help to Comfort Me in Grief

7 Scripture references to help handle grief
7 Grief Scriptures

These are my personal favorites:

  1. Psalms 73:26 – My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever.
  2. Matthew 11:28 – Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.
  3. Psalm 34:18 – The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
  4. Isaiah 41:10 – Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.
  5. John 14:16-18 – …the Holy Spirit of Truth, who will be to you a friend just like me—and he will never leave you. … “I promise that I will never leave you helpless or abandon you as orphans—I will come back to you! ‘
  6. Ecclesiastes 3:1-2,4 – ‘For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; ‘
  7. John 16:33 – ‘I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.’

Write Fully Yours,

Lady Kavan

To read more from Lady Kavan, check out her blog 

You can find Lady Kavan on Amazon. Follow this link for an overview of her available books

Let Me Love You

Christianity Relationship

The Call

I hear the distinct whisper,  a call as it were, to a deeper romance with the Creator of all that is.

As He hovered over the darkness of the deep waters in the beginning, so He hovers over me.

He commands light to enter my secret place and calls it day, for my night has passed. 

I hear the whisper…

Let Me love you, all of you.

Not just the places you feel worthy to bring but all the messy parts too.

He says: I can use all of it. I weave all things together to create a poem and a symphony called “good”.

I am Love. That means I am patient, kind and I keep no score of being wronged.

Let Me Love you, so you can heal, Let Me love you so you can be.

Let Me Love you, so that you can move beyond breathing to pressing towards the mark of the prize of My higher calling through Christ Jesus.

I died for you.

I surrendered My body as a sacrifice to bring you closer because you could not make your way to Me. Let Me Love you.

The Response

God intrigues me. He really does. That He would want to look upon earthen vessels, subjects of His creation and fill them with Himself, fill them with Love is simply too vast a concept to understand.

Yet that is what He does. There isn’t much more to say except that when I heard the call today, I knew it was not singular.

It was not just a call for Lady Kavan. It is a call He has consistently made from the Garden of Eden till now.

He longs for a relationship with His creation. God beckoned to Adam in the garden “where are you?” not because He wanted a geographical response. He wanted a shift in heart position and wants the same still.

He is calling and His question is this.  Will you let Me Love you?

Full Disclosure: I received these prophetic words about a year ago. I wrote this piece and submitted it for publishing and it was never published. As I sat today, I was reminded of it. I know the Holy Spirit is intentional, There is someone who needs to be reminded…. Let Him love you… Selah

Write Fully Yours,

Lady Kavan

To read more from Lady Kavan, check out her blog or her books

Grief and Gratitude

Christianity Grief Life

Just over a year ago I wrote about my friend Liz (Elizabeth Stanley) who would post a fresh “up and thankful” message every morning as a daily gratitude ritual. Those messages were even more special because I knew they didn’t come from a place of comfort. She was battling cancer again and this time the doctors were less hopeful. Not Liz. She fought hard, she fought well and what was most inspiring for me is that she fought with joy and worship. Liz went home on March 20, 2021. I imagine her hailing her friends, worshipping extravagantly and reasoning with the elders. I feel that familiar sting… the dichotomy of being happy she is resting and sad that she had to leave.

I met Liz at church almost 10 years ago. At the time she was a new convert excited about the word, grateful that Jesus snatched her from the pits of hell and cancer. She was in remission. She reminded me of the woman at the well who at the discovery of living water went and told everybody. Emphasis on the everybody. Liz always invited people to church but more so invited them to see the Jesus she met at her own well. She was a city on a hill that could not be hid. She had discovered a fresh spring and new joy in Adonai and everyone who knew her knew it. Liz was bold.

I already miss her up and thankful posts. Liz was an inspiration to be grateful and to worship through it all. Can I truly say that I am like that naturally? I mean in the way Liz was. I confess, I sometimes get internally “complainy” and weighed down before I start making my gratitude list. Getting back to that place of gratitude and worship always takes my eyes off the circumstance and squared on the Giver of All Good Things. When I reflect on Liz I think of Phillipians 4 and I am challenged and encouraged to increase my resolve to “Be cheerful with joyous celebration in every season of life. Let joy overflow, for you are united with the Anointed One !” Philippians 4:4 TPT

I know I talk about gratitude and grief a lot. Loss reminds me of the brevity of life. It reminds me that we are but a whisper reverberating through the waves of time. I must make my whisper count. Gratitude keeps me grounded and focused on what matters; God, the relationships he blesses me with and the opportunities to help someone else feel less alone and less pain. While I live the purpose is Christ when I die it’s gain for me. Liz has gained her crown and I am happy for her. I just miss those up and thankful messages. Her light continues to encourage my heart to worship. 

Write Fully Yours,

Lady Kavan

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It’s Healthy to Remember

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It was close to midnight. The house was quiet because everyone had retreated to bed. The night light was my only visible company and my thoughts became almost audible. The thoughts I had been avoiding all week found an audience with my consciousness. It was the eve of December 7th and I did not know what to do with it, how I would respond or how I should respond. On the one hand, who wants to recall the horror of it all. Yet, I knew I could not ignore it.

There was a lot happening, I had set the release date of the devotional to December 7th, hoping to mix a little joy into the sadness I invariably felt on this day. It is as if my mind has permission from an unknown source on this day, to mount the memory of that horrid morning on the screen of my mind. Replay, rewind, repeat. Learning to grief with hope is still an active lesson in life’s curriculum for me and I’m still trying to get it right.

I spent the day riding the waves. I cried when I needed to but was intentional about finding reasons to smile or even laugh. I was excited that the devotional was out and that people were encouraged by it. I was honoured that at least my pain could be used for something beyond me. I was grateful that somehow God was able to process the mess of that day to fertilize growth in the future.

Eventually, I want to get beyond “surviving” the day. I want to be able to explain to the boys, when they are older, what happened that morning. I want them, us, to remember December 7th as the day their father gave the ultimate sacrifice in an attempt to keep them safe. It’s the day that reminds us, pushes us even, to live fully. Anything less is an indictment on his memory. To live less than fully would refute the sacrifice he made, he would have died for nothing.

I can’t help but think how much this should already be the case for those of us who accept the gift of Christ’s sacrifice. He gave it all, not just for earthly abundance but a far more eternal gift. I feel as though I’ve been doubled dared to live and to do it fully holding nothing back. Like His heavenly Father, my late husband Chris did nothing in half measures. He was an all or nothing kind of guy. He was either a christian or not, he was either committed to a task or not. If he gave his word he honored it. Those lessons I take with me now every day. Lessons I commit to teaching our sons.

“The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.” (Jn 10:10, NLT). When I reflect on that morning the thief did accomplish its mission from a physical or temporal perspective with the ultimate aim of stealing my faith, killing my hope and destroying any path to a successful future.  However, My God in His ability to do abundantly above our thoughts and imagination provides for needs we didn’t realize we had.  This includes the need for peace and a firm anchoring in Him that has nothing to do with possession, other people, or circumstances. In that place, His plans, opportunities and purpose unveil themselves like a comet in the night sky.

My encouragement is no matter how dark the day, hold on to the  immutable hands of a Good Father who loves you more than you can fathom. I double dare you. LIVE!