Recently, I’ve been having a series of small unexpected waves of grief. The waves show up at the oddest time.
I’m sitting on the couch watching episode 4 of the final season of “This is Us” and I’m crying my eyes out. I know, I know. That series in and of itself is a recipe for tears and emotional trauma. But honestly, it pulls me in when I know I need a good cry.
A couple Sundays ago the worship team sang “Great are you Lord” and I fought hard to swallow the large dry lump that had formed in my throat. The tears didn’t start in response to worship but rather the memory the song sparked. You see, it was his favorite song. Hearing it brought me back to standing in a pew of purple chairs, seeing his hands stick out of the sound room while he belted out the song from the depth of his soul. I brought my attention back to worship and the wave subsided.
The waves have kept coming – many little ones – unexpected like the tremors before the major earthquake. They show up with Matthew’s quizzical expressions, Isaiah’s 100 questions or inquiries about how the boys are doing. These invariably lead to thoughts of “I wish he could have seen the boys now”.
The irony is, I am at a place of genuine happiness and peace in my life. So it may seem quite strange, in the midst of this satiated state, that grief comes gently knocking. I am sharing this to remind you; it is not strange. Unexpected waves of grief are normal.
I love this quote pic I found on twitter:
I believe, like Scribbles & crumbs, that because love “never ends” (1 Cor 13: 8) we will live with the impression of those who have gone before us. Always. Love may change how it expresses itself, but real love doesn’t just go “poof”.
Allow your heart to feel and then release pangs of “I miss you”. There is no shame in it. Embrace and release. It doesn’t matter if it has been 10 yrs, 10 weeks or 10 days. Embrace and release. Understand dear that grief is a natural response to change or loss of any kind.
Losing a loved one is the most permanent loss or change. No matter how long it has been, that change will be inscribed in your heart forever. Learn to expect unexpected grief. Does that make sense? I hope it does.
There is a “but” though. Grief is not an excuse to stay stuck. Cry when you need to, but get up.
“The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” Nelson Mandela.
I leave this word with you: The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18 . Lean in to the one who is close and willing to save.
Here is a bonus…
Seven Scriptures that Help to Comfort Me in Grief
These are my personal favorites:
- Psalms 73:26 – My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever.
- Matthew 11:28 – Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.
- Psalm 34:18 – The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
- Isaiah 41:10 – Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.
- John 14:16-18 – …the Holy Spirit of Truth, who will be to you a friend just like me—and he will never leave you. … “I promise that I will never leave you helpless or abandon you as orphans—I will come back to you! ‘
- Ecclesiastes 3:1-2,4 – ‘For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; ‘
- John 16:33 – ‘I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.’
Write Fully Yours,
Lady Kavan
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